ladidah

god today was such a heap of shit.
sick, so i stayed home.
actually, besides all the writhing in pain, today wasnt so bad,
(the sleeping part)
i had lots of interesting dreams.
one was where i ran away for a day, down to the beach and everything was all warped and had a sort of saphire tint.
i was squelching along, in the mud because right near the shore it was all thick and muddy
and the sea started getting more and more seaweed in it until it was a crappy dark green colour and then i was in the city for some reason with friends.
but yeah. anyway,
possibly getting a keyborad soon.
which i am very excited about. I'd love to be able to play really beautifully. I'm going to practise tonns.
:D bye

Today,

another boring day, so i tried to make it different. didnt work. went to KFC with some friends, we got beeped with a wolf whistle horn thing by some dick. before going home i decided to go on a walk around the block, got beeped again, by a quite frightening lad this time, and my shoes all soggy, uncomfortably warm.
so when i got back home again, decided to do another round since i had about an hour since i had to be home. took my shoes off and crossed the road tonns for some reason. then did 5 rounds on the roundabout to confuse the cars, which i did.
smiled at the guy next door that i didnt know existed before today. he was playing with his dog in the spare block.
worryingly, i sort of love this guy... (not the one next door). i cant get over him. i never will. i dont know what to do.
a friend continues to be a bitch. will never change.
they only get two sentences see?
another friend is one of the most brilliant person i have ever met. i like having intelligent conversations with her even though i never have much to contribute.
another friend is pissing the crap out of me.
finally got some jumpers. even though they are probably about a couple of mm thin, actually maybe just one, its still good not to be shaking my ass off at school.
it is very much decided that i cant stay here for long.
its doing my head in.
i dont know when i'll build up enough courage to leave; probably never will, the way i am.
I miss my other three friends. one of them probably unhealthily.
havent drank in ages, i hope not to too much. its not worth the hangover. and its defiantely not cool, as many people think.
annoyed at people who pretend to act drunk. if you ever read this, everyone can clearly tell it's an act and im surprised you havent notised.
bye .

when i find you i shall kick your smile

self fucking explanatory.
just grow up.

words that are on my mind right now

trust
honesty
lonely
freedom
homer hudson
night
elanor
friends
love
bind
random
hot
guys
law
paint
heart
waves
zinc
blister
tree
apricot
sandal
tandoori
outdoors
animals
fur
olives
words
dad
pencil
interesting
idea
worth
plank
fish
camping
whore
stripes
death
blood
guts
orange
oranges
red
blue
green
door
yellow
molly
moilly
cup
sausage
lantern
cellar
pineapple
harsh
carpet
feet
lovely
candle


I'm going to stop there because i will go on forever, and candle is a nice word.

luck. chance etc.

i think that it seems everything has a dead end.
like, whenever im trying to figure something out, the answer is in another question, which is in another and then another until i get to a dead end.
i think its the way people have been trained from birth to look for answers, and analyse almost everything.
and i think that is stupid.
humans are so stupid.

pepd boringness

blehhhhhhh am boreed to complete death plus seven and just want to go to greensy and get stuff and not go to aths day because cbf and want to find a picture of random hot guy on julia's computer next to me and dont want to finish assignment.
mr argall is maybe coming to kill with death.
boring mens.
and mens panties.
justine in photo
people people people.
school photo man is a pervert.
buhbye

Zoe's mind-thoughts

again

teehee

well, i have sort of figured it out.

and thank god because its been bugging me.

so .

I dont actually fancy anyone at the moment.

like, properly.

i have a tiny crush on two though :S

which kind of pisses me off.

it'd be good to just have one that i really like who i may have some sort of chance with.

but i'll work on it.

in fact,

i met the most brilliant guy ever in the middle of nowhere.

never see him again.

now im just rambling.

cos i cant talk about things that matter.

but man, these two are fucking hot.

i could explain them but i cant.

sick of petty arguments

point is,

i need to listen to the ocean.

the actual ocean, and the band

to catherine who will probably never read this but eh- we should go to greensy soon ;)

im fucking bored.

need some pringles

but ive eaten half the world today.

ohhh erghhh im gonna go do something else pointless.

give anyone (a.k.a no one) who is reading this a break from my crap.

except that you havent even got this far because of how boring it is.

buhbye >:l

HAHHAHAH!!

well, buhbye myspace :D
bloody mood swings.
swing swing
ily

i think i may have crashed.

Id like to say:
i have had enough. stop worrying about other people and their problems. let people be how they want to be. they have that right. its hard for people to fit your expectations, exactly as you want them.
the world doesnt revolve around you.
so get the hell over it.



p.s, this isnt about you molly. or cazz. or jess.

in other never-to-be-read news,
-blogger is crap
-so is all electronic crap
-i hate you
-i fucked up once again
-i dont know what is it about him
-or him
-the other him can go fuck himself.
-and i mean it.
- i am in need of an ADVENTURE
- i need to yell
- i need the truth
- i want things to work out
- my heart should go die in a hole
- with myspace
- please dont be mad at me

I'm not going to try anymore. As in, i don't care that some of my thoughts are stupid, and i dont care if people think that right now, i am being a fool. or if they think i am being a fool all of the time.
I don't care if the poems I write are stupid. Or if my taste in music is crap.
I don't care about silences that need filling.
I don't even care about the fact im positive that in the next couple of hours or days I wont care about any of this.
Whats the point.

To Nobody

Hello anyone, probably no-one.
I love you.
:)
Make some muffins.
Listen to a lovely song.
Spend some time looking at leavies.
And clouds,
and stars,
and chase your cat
then take its collar off
and dance about with it
until you fall over.
Buhbye xo

if you really wanna know,

im still not gonna tell you cos it's a secret and it wont matter in time in any case because i'll be over him and chasing beetle bugs liek a good girl without luuurve problem-o's.

x

"TOUCH HER TOUCH HER"

moilly, I lobe you! cazzie, I lobe you! to all i lobe with my heartiest heartness, love to you all. to nail bitter, go die.

I am without a boyfriend, always seem to fuck these things up. So I guess I am going to take a break, as in, for a while until i seriously get my head cleared. Which is part of the reason we broke up I spose.
I am going to focus on the many other things in life too now, and spend heaps of time out in the fresh air exploring.
Then I shall buy a harmonica. And learn to play well.
Then rent a gypsy van, and ride around a rainforest.
Because I am so sick of mistrust, and betrayal, and anger, and confusion, and expectations. And I am sick of games.
.... talk about betrayal. im just going to not tell anyone anything ever. I cant believe it.
fuck everything.

dear anonymous

you suck.

duuude....

ladidah
happies

yoyoyo

well... I'm actually sitting in P.E.P.D. at the moment being a very sneaky sneak which is very difficult to do seeming as he is sharpy eyed as a sharp eye'd anmnmnmimal.

ILY Kirsty!

i think im just gonna sit around and just think for a while. I've got a lot to think about.
I wanna go to teh beach to think, I think. At night. Man, I love beaches at night. like more than any place to go. And now I am just rambling but this is 6th period so it's understandable... maybe...

man I'm confused.
ergrghhh
eh
oohh
heh.
hoh.

guys.

eheheeerrrrrrrrrggg.

grr. I would write stuff but I know people who I know are gonna see it. Like, nothing bad, everyone is all happy and yay atm,.. I hope.. and think, but all my thoughts that I'd looove to get out but im gonna have to find another way now. Like, for some reason putting it all down on paper... but I feel a little weird when im just writing to no-one so this seems the kinda best-ish option. And thing is, even if people remain nameless, its so guessable anyway.. so...

psh.

so yeah...

'where can i go when i want you around but i can't stand to be around you?'

i feel kinda bad.. like ive done something wrong. i dont know what it is but im gonna find out.
im in one of those hippy moods where im just chillaxing and i want world peace and eternal happiness and all that.


SO BE HAPPY EVERYONE!!!

ach! again

bonjour
whatever.
also,
fuck.
ergh.
pretty pissed off.. -ish.
no-one's fault though.
just ams
rawr.
^_^


.. >:l

so then

ach.
man im sick of all this.
how do you delete blogs?
pfft. eh.
i have nothing interesting to say anyway.
too distracted to think cos of cute guitar teacher.
bloody cute people.
bloody eh.
ehhhhhh.



....ergh.

go away thoughts.

uh...

look,
you are being so imature.
I, myself am not going to waste one minute of thought on this, because whatever it is, its nothing. I think it's sad that you waste your time fucking around like this, I hope you get over it soon and start focusing on what matters.
By the way, what the hell did I ever do to you?

AHA! CAUGHT RED HANDEDFACETHING

so,
heard you saw it,
and are seeing it now,
like a secret,
leaving it unsaid are we?
ahahahhaa
AHAHHAHA *evil grin*
am feeling a little crazy,
ignore all this,
sneaky person are we?
RAWR

grrrr

What a fucking whore. That's all I'm gonna say.
So he's happy then.
Good for him.
Happies all round.


.....

fucked up. again.

so. yup. title says it all. i hate writing about this but thats what happened today and thats what my brain is going annoyingly bonkers about. so.. i spose i broke it off with him .. i regret it.. but i got to the point where we wouldnt say one word to eachother all day, so i did it cos i think thats what he wanted.. but maybe was too shy to do it.. i dunno. but thing is i still fancy him. so i dont know what to do. i hope i get to know him better. he's a great guy.

he'll probably be taken in a flash anyway...

blimey im a pessimist.

(yes, it was cazz by the way...)

... a massive tree just fell down.

FINALLY

Okay. So I haven't written or posted ANYTHING since god knows when, and probably no-one will read this anyway, BUT IM GONNA WRITE IT COS ITS FINALLY WORKING! and also cos im fuck bored and theres too many things going on, none of which i can talk about completely honestly because i dont want to say anything that would be offensive to people, cos of course anyone can read this *AHEM*

So, well, dunno what the hell is going on in the luuurve department. The... luuurve interest is... I suppose seeming not all that interested. Which, annoyingly is going to make quite a few people more than satisfied. Especially if he breaks up with me. Which to be honest, I'm surprised he hasnt yet. He really seems.. to me at least like he'd rather be with someone else. I can take a good guess at who that would be, but I'm not naming any names. Even the bloody fake ones. Because they are pointless anyway.

And, with Valentines day coming up, I'm curious to what will end up happening. nothing probably. No change there.

Sorry for rambling so much, but I can't get this off my mind. They're just always flirting. And maybe they dont notice it, but they are. And it kind of hurts to watch them... I'm not so much jealous as hurt.. Although I am jealous too. Except I'd much rather he broke up with me if he wanted to do that. But I really don't want him to too. ARGH. Whatever.

On a happier note, I got some pretty good electives :)
drawing, literature, philosophy, phsycology, aboriginal studies, fabrics to fashion, damn. And some other good ones I've forgotten :3

I feel like sky diving.

FUCKING HELL




*calm*



Jeez.. I kinda feel so pathetic writing about all this crap and complaining all the time. Really, i should just get over it.

I started to write a story. eh.

Gotta new guitar teacher, he's cool. Except i fotgot which one.. smoke on the water was *embassasment* and then forgot everything that i had pretty much ever learnt on guitar,... so he probably thinks I'm stupid. Oh well.

ciao xo